8 Barriers to communication-Kevin Hogan and Ron Stubbs

99% finish the book.

What are the 8 barriers?
1.) Failure to make a great First (and Second) Impression
2.) Flubbing the Story
-be boring
-talk too long
-speak too slow
-speak in a garbled way so that ppl cannot understand you
-exaggerate when telling your story
-ignore feedback during your story telling
-respond to other ppl's stories with a story of your own
-poke holes in other ppl's special stories
-overtly brag about yourself just a little too much
-not telling your story with intention
3.) Not Listening
4.) Arguing with the Intent to Harm
5.) Criticism
6.) Hostility and Contempt
7.) Ignoring Body Language
8.) Ignoring the Cycle of Communication

Let's see the keypoints i highlighted.
1.) Just ask, don't assume. Don't always already know.
2.) Listen to other and make him/her feel like they were the only one that mattered in the entire world.
3.) Don't expect others to know what you meant.
4.) To truly listen, not just hear someone, but focus on listening to them, be in their shoes when they talk, see the world through their eyes, experience life from their point of view instead of being compelled to express your own.
5.) Listen without judgement/advice.
6.) When someone become argumentative, ask "How can i present counter examples and other points of view to you so that you are not offended and your feelings are not hurt?"
7.) "Nonverbalizers" (people who use few words in the course of a day or a conversation) often become angry when they are asked to express more than they already have said.
8.) To suggest the other person to frame his comments in a more gentle fashion: "I know you aren't saying that to attack me. It just hurts when you say it that way."
9.) Always think of your intention. If your intention is gentle, speak more quietly. People associate quieter tones and gentler intentions.
10.) In conflict, men typically withdraw emotionally while women use an argument to vent their feelings.
11.) The most effective way to get the behavior we want is through praise instead of criticism. Rewarding even small steps can pay off big in the long run.
12.) Always consider the person's feelings and viewpoint
13.) Most people try to be interesting when they should be interested.
14.) Giving that person all your attention, making him/her the most important star in the universe for as long as they are speaking. After they are through speaking, paraphrase what they have said to make sure that their point has been fully understood by you.
15.) A large piece in the communication puzzle is not asking for what you want. Even more dangerous to a relationship is not asking for what you want and expecting the other person to "know" anyway. Instead of going through all the drama of mind-reading, wouldn't it be much easier to express exactly what we want in the first place?

:)