7 Qualities to look for in a mate-CD5

yeah~ a long one. ;) Enjoy Reading!

7 qualities to look for in a mate
What makes a relationship work..
Proverbs 18:22.. he who find a wife, find a good thing, and obtain favour from the Lord..

God place the responsibility of a spouse on our shoulder.

How to tell if your mate is right for you?

Usually, we ask, what do u like in your partner?
Fun..sporty, outgoing, noisy, quiet.. we are looking at personality traits..that's why you are in trouble.. in stead, we should look for character.
However..A murderer may be fun…A rapist may be outgoing and love traveling…

Renew the way you are thinking in your mind. The key in choosing is to look for someone with good character..not personality.
Character determined how the person treat himself, how he treat you..and in future, your children.
Character is the foundation of every healthy partnership.
You go for personality, you are taking a very big risk.. you will be badly hurt.

If relationship is the cake.. personality is only the icing..character is the substance. only kids like the icing.. not the substance.

Instead of asking how much he love you.. you should be asking.. "Can you love me?"..the capability of loving you.
If he is always angry.. he is incapable of loving you..
Cannot firm with over-bearing parents, he is incapable of loving you.
cannot commit, he is incapable of loving you... etc

Basic building blocks of good character in a person.
1.) Commitment to personal growth
This is the most important trait to see in a partner. If you can find a person like that, you are half way to a happy marriage.
One person want to talk about problem, the other don want.
One person want to improve the relationship, the other say no need... you want to improve in relationship.. the other don want..and show no interest...
check if your partner is keen to study god's word… why is that important? Because in a relationship, there will be a lot of crisis.. and you need to go back to God's book. You want a partner that willing to live by what the bible teaches about love..forgiveness, honouring one another..etc. you want someone to be committed to God, and live the lifestyle. You want someone that willing to seek for help, always learning.. not boastful, refuse to get help. This is something you have to find out in the beginning of a relationship. Once in a while, you need to seek for counsel, to be in another level. If he always feel that he is good already.. no need help.. it's going to be hard. You are looking someone that set personal goals, in order to see real change… so that you can see positive change in someone.. he is determine.. willing to change…renewing his mind.. he is praying…he is fasting..serious with the change.. you don't want somebody that you ve to constantly push him.. he needs to feel it himself.. not someone that only saying…..

2.) Emotional Openess
Sharing feelings. Your mate have feelings. He knows how to express his feelings to you. Emotional generosity. He is generous with his love.. giving freely.. not.. I ll only love you if you like this..like that….. conditional love. Someone that show his love and appreciation on a consistent basis. Why go for people that only offer a little piece of their heart? (emotional stingyness).. How long can you tolerate that?

3.) Integrity
Integrity= you are walking in the truth. You do what you say, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say. It's a consistency of your character. Your actions match up with your words. Your choices match your vision. Your behavior match what you believe. You claim you cherish your wife..and in the present of your friends.. you shame her… you said u want to go on mission for 2 years..yet, you took up scholarship to go study and be bonded for 10 years… no consistency. Honesty and trustworthy are essential. Else, you ll live on a constant fear.. "is he talking to his ex?".. "is he go out with other girls?".. "is she going to spend all my money?".. it's impossible to be relax.. so, you are looking for someone with consistency.. if he cannot be trusted in money, what makes you think that you can trust him with your life? You want a person to be honest with you..not playing games.. when your partner is consistently honest with you, you will natural trust him.

4.) Maturity and responsible
They may be fun to be with.. love you very much..but they just not yet matured… you ll end up feeling, you are adopting a child…
How to know he is matured?
a.) can he/she take care of himself?- able to earn enough money to support you.. no need to ask from parents.. know how to be tidy.. personal hygiene… our outward life is our reflection of inward life.. if he can't even take care of himself, what makes you think he can take care of you?
b.) He is responsible. Doing what u say you ll do. Not always giving excuses. Let your YES be YES..and your NO..NO.. it's action. Everybody deserve to be love, but not everybody is ready for relationship.
c.) He is respectful. 1cor30:11.. when I was a child, I spoke as a child.. when I become a man, I put away childish thing… he respect the person around him.. no not understanding of boundaries. Go to ppl house..check everything..etc.. parents talking.. they scream.say they want to go back.. when they in restaurant, they bang on the table and shout loudly.. in a service, does he walk in and out? Is he respectful to his boss, colleagues?

5.) Healthy self-esteem
Matt 22:39.. you shall love your neighbour as your self..
You gotta love yourself.. a person with low self-esteem love in order to feel good about herself. A person with high self-esteem, love because she feels good about herself.
He know who he is in Christ..
He is the head in Christ..
Does not abuse himself but take good care of himself.
The way he take care of his body.. his clothes.. his car..

He doesn't allow other to abuse him. Meekness is not the same as weakness. Meekness= controlled emotion. Somebody come and abuse you, u don't scream back.. you don't curse.. you have control of your feeling..
Weakness= you constantly let others taking advantage of you..
The more u love yourself, the less you let other to abuse you.

He take actions in his life. not by only saying.. "I ll do it..i ll do it..".. by avoiding to take action because he scared of failing.. he rather not risk it. He procrastinate.. Are you a procrastinator?

6.) Positive attitude toward life
Philip 4:4..rejoice in the Lord always..
Positive and negative.. who are you going to choose to spend your life with?
Always complain.. fear.. always finding for faults.. always negative.. they don't trust people easily..
Positive ppl.. full of faith.. I can do all things in Christ jesus..
Positive ppl creates positive relationship.
Love is positive.. it grows in a positive environment.

Last one... Not a character trait.. it's very important. It might cancel out everything.
7.) Personal chemistry
1 look and my heart melt.. just 1 look and I know I am in heaven.. (Solomon).
Attack of the hormone..
You either have it or not. You and your partner need to have some form of chemistry in order to distinguish from friendship. Don't have to be something instant… gradual attraction is usually more genuine.. you are not only attracted to the 1st look.. but you are drawn towards his/her character.