Wednesday, April 29, 2009

some thoughts

I suddenly found out the reason of why am i often get pissed off with people.... from the book.. "Don't sweat the small stuff at Work" by Richard Carlson.

So i would like to note down some of the extracted paragraphs from Chapter 2-become less controlling..

When i talk about being "controlling", I am referring to unhealthy attempts to manipulate the behavior of others, having the need to control your environment, insisting on having things be "just so" in order to feel secure, and becoming immobilized, defensive or anxious when other people don't behave to your specifications-- the way you think they should be. To be controlling means you are preoccupied with the actions of others and how those actions affect you.

What hurts the controlling person is what goes on inside--his feelings and emotions. The key element seems to be a lack of willingness to allow other people to fully be themselves, to give them space to be who they are, and to respect--- really respect--the fact that people think differently. Deep down, a controlling person doesn't what other people to be themselves, but rather the image of who they want them to be. But people aren't an image of who we want them to be-- they are who they are. So , if you are tied to an imagined image, you are going to feel frustrated and impotent a great deal of the time. A controlling person assumes that he knows what's best, and by golly, he's going to make other people see the folly of their ways. Within the need to control, there's an inherent lack of respect for the opinions and ways of others.

When you can make allowances in your mind for the fact that other people see life differently than you do, you will experience far less internal struggle. In addition, as you become less controlling, you will be a lot easier to be around. You can probably guess that most people don't like to be controlled. It's a turnoff. It creates resentment and adversarial relationships. As you let go of your need to be so controlling, people will be more inclined to help you; they will want to see you succeed. When people feel accepted for who they are rather than judged for who you think they should be, they will admire and respect you like never before.

Wow, the highlighted part really speak right straight to me!!!!!!!!
I think i must admit sometimes i feel this way especially to a lot of talkers! Ha!May be i already assume they are talkers.. prejudice!!

Mm, i need to improve in this area...

So i want to thank this book to help me to be self-aware. :)

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